you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
