She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
