If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
