The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
