Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
