now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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