what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
