I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
