from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
