i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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