dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
