I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The air taste purple.
Randomize
