you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
