1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
