Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
