The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
