What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
