That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
