just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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