She announced her abortion via fbk
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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