I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i think im in europe. pls send help
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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