does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
