Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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