He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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