I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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