i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
