For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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