So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
