so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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