if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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