Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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