I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You took a bar mat shot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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