I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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