I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
