her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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