Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
