shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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