Sponge bath it is.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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