How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
