how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
