Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
