Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
