I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
