I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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