Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
