dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
