I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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