i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
