her vagine was all disorganized.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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