Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
